When Mary sues Attack!
by the7bells
Summary: I’m sure some of you know of the dreaded Mary Sues, for those of you who have no idea what one is, definition inside. So, seeing as they haven’t truly invaded the YW world yet, the characters from Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter decided to take refuge
1. Intro

Disclaimer: Who do I look like, Diane Duane?

Summary: Well, I'm sure some of you know of the dreaded Mary Sues, for those of you who have no idea what one is, a Mary Sue is one of these perfect people that are randomly inserted into a story, who ends up doing something that changes the story somehow, and they make you sick by looking at them, they're so perfect, and everyone in the story loves them. So, seeing as they haven't truly invaded the YW world yet, the characters from Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter decided to take refuge there, but a careless mistake leads to disaster…

A/N I know, it starts out in HP, but it will get to YW, I promise.

Gandalf poked his staff through the air, and opened the patch wider, grunting.

Merry cast a nervous glance behind him. "Hurry, Gandalf I think they're coming!"

Finally, the hole was open enough for Aragorn, Boromir, Legolas, Gimli, Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, and Gandalf to crawl through.

They all brushed themselves off, turned around and found a group of 6 people huddled against a door, whom shall forever more be known as Harry, Hermione, Ron, Remus, Sirius and Dumbledore. The sounds of Mary Sues could be heard from outside the door and portal.

"Close it you fools, this is the only safe place left!" Dumbledore hissed.

"Hermione, remind me again why you're in here?" Ron asked, cringing at the sound of 'Ronnikins, sweet, come out!'

"Because Ron, every girl who falls among them becomes a Mary Sue." Hermione explained patiently.

"We need to get out of here, there are Mary Sues here as well." Legolas commented. Big mistake.

'LEGOLAS! AHHHHHHHHHH!' With that, they started to heave the door even more.

"We can't stay now, Mr…?" "Gandalf" Gandalf supplied. "We need to make another portal, to another world. Now."

They worked on the portal, and all aforementioned people crawled through, and what they saw, nearly made them collapse with relief. It was a quiet street. But most importantly, there were no Mary Sues. Yet. For they had forgotten to close the portal, and Mary Sues are not so stupid as to miss a hole in the air, and a letter on the desk.

(A/N Imagine Alfalfa's letter to Darla when reading this.)

Dear Mary Sues,

I hate your stinkin guts.

You're like the scum between my toes,

Love,

Those stalked by you.

The entourage knocked on a random door, a girl with gray eyes, an oversized t-shirt and a walking...thing...opened the door, only to shout "Neets! It's for you!"

A call came from inside the house saying "Nuh-uh Dairine, I'm on vacation, so don't even think about it."

"But Neets, I deal with the aliens, you deal with the people. Remember?" Dairine was pretty much whining.

By now, everyone outside was extremely confused. "Uh, can we...come in?" Boromir asked.

"Yeah, it's kinda chilly out here." Pippin and Merry interjected.

"Hey, Neets, these people look like they've dropped out of Middle-Earth! And this one has a scar like Harry Potter! And these look like Hobbits!"

"Hobbits? WHERE!" Nita came running out at full speed, Kit right behind her yelling "If there's Hobbits, there's gotta be Gandalf!" They stopped dead at the door, mainly because Nita had tripped over Spot. "Oof! Spot! Move! There are Hobbits!"

"AHHHHHH! THEY'RE HERE AS WELL!" Frodo screamed.

"Aye, but Mr. Frodo, she ain't perfect." Sam pointed out.

"Sorry." Nita mumbled. "God, Tolkein never mentioned how picky Hobbits are."

Suddenly yells split the air, starting faintly and growing louder. "RUN! MARY SUES! RUN!"


	2. Here they come

Two girls came racing up the road, screaming like maniacs and tripping over their feet in their hurry to get away. They, not paying attention, ran right into the little group, now to be known as the fellowship/order.

"AHHHHHHH! HOBBITS!" One screamed.

"Not just any Hobbits, but Pippin, Frodo, Sam, and MERRY! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Screeched the other. "Get them inside, before the Mary Sues get here! They can't get them!"

They pushed the fellowship/order inside, barring and locking the door. "Kit, Roshaun, don't let the Mary Sues see you, or you'll be next on their stalker list. Especially you Roshaun. CAT! Get away from the Hobbit!" The first one yelled. CAT slunk away from Merry, muttering about how she'd get MSM as soon as she could. Merry just looked a trifle scared.

"I thought the point of this was to keep Mary Sues out." Pippin whispered. "But they're here!"

"I'll have you know, I find that offensive. I am NOT a Mary Sue. Just a rabid fangirl." The one called Cat protested. "I mean, look at MSM. It's practically her hobby to torture Mary Sues. She even wrote a list on what to do to them. So there." And she stuck her tongue out at them.

"I don't believe you." Said a rather harried looking Sirius.

"Fine." Said a rather offended MSM. "Here." She handed him the list. "When you're done, you can try some if you want.

So 15 people huddled around a piece of vellum. Very durable stuff vellum is. (A/N Excerpt from my other fic. Enjoy this excerpt, then go read it pwease? 25. )

25. Tell them how they make you wanna puke. (Throw your hands up, PUKE! Throw your hands up….okay, yeah…)

24. Emphasize this point by throwing up on their perfection.

23. Pull their hair.

22. Tell them that her eye is changing to brown.

21. Make the eye brown.

20. Laugh at them (A/N I know people have this condition, and I think it's cool, but come on, purple and brown? On a Mary Sue? Wouldn't you laugh?) for now having a purple and brown eye.

19. Push her over the moving stairwells hoping she'll fall on one far, far below. Really far. Really, really, really far.

18. Tell her she's a pimple on society's ass and she'll never amount to anything.

17. Tell her she's a fraud. She's not pretty. She'll never save the world, and Draco/Harry/Sirius/whoever only wants her for the assets.

16. Attempt to poison her. As we all know, her damn little fairy will come and bring her back to life with all this bull about how she hasn't completed her task, or some other bullshit excuse.

15. Make a voodoo doll of her, and then stab it viciously with pins.

14. Melt her perfect plastic face. Come on, we all know THAT's fake.

13. Ask just how many plastic surgeries she had.

12. Steal her love interest right from under her nose, like Legolas…

11. Mention in front of her love interest how her affair with Snape is working out?

10. Lock her in the astronomy tower with McGonnagal and Trewlany.

9. Send her to Voldies Lair.

8. Drop "hints" that she's working for the Death Eaters to the Order, then laugh when she's sent to Azkaban.

7. Take her credit card and stick her on a plane to Paris. Far away from you. With no money to shop with. Oh, well. Guess she can't buy anything on her permanent vacation.

6. Give her a love potion. A special love potion that makes her love Voldemort.

5. Put the Sue in something ugly, like the Yahoo avatar clothes!

4. Sacrifice her at a pagan alter. About time too.

3. Lock her in a room with Bean (A/N My little sister.) and her stuffed reindeer.

2. Jinx her off her broomstick while she's playing Quidditch perfectly.

And the number one thing you shouldn't do to Mary Sues, but you want to do anyway, so you do is Drug her, take her to a plastic surgeon and deform her.

Some things were only understood by certain worlds. But everyone got the gist that this would be very fun to try.

"So, what do you propose we do now." Aragorn asked. "We obviously can't go outside."

MSM and CAT just grinned evilly, and shot looks at the Hobbits. "I'm sure we'll think of something…"


End file.
